At Long Last - Best of the Worst #1

All January, I've been counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Hope you've enjoyed the ride, and now it's time for the Big Reveal.

#1 – You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

#2 – Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
#3 – Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You, by the Austin Lounge Lizards
#4 – I’m So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here
#5 – How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
#6 – I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
#7 – Just Bought a Car From the Guy that Stole My Girl, But the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal
#8 – Got In At Two With a Ten, And Woke Up At Ten With a Two (by Willie Nelson)
#9 – I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

Lake McDonald in Glacier National Park, back in March 2011.

Best of the Worst #2

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Today, last year's winner must settle for a silver medal. Tomorrow: the Big Reveal of numero uno.

#2 – Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

#3 – Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You, by the Austin Lounge Lizards
#4 – I’m So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here
#5 – How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
#6 – I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
#7 – Just Bought a Car From the Guy that Stole My Girl, But the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal
#8 – Got In At Two With a Ten, And Woke Up At Ten With a Two (by Willie Nelson)
#9 – I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A photo of sun, snow and some cottonwoods - by my Kalispell friend Sue Haugan.

Best of the Worst #3

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, now down to the Final Three. And some Montana winter scenery.

#3 – Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You, by the Austin Lounge Lizards

#4 – I’m So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here
#5 – How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
#6 – I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
#7 – Just Bought a Car From the Guy that Stole My Girl, But the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal
#8 – Got In At Two With a Ten, And Woke Up At Ten With a Two (by Willie Nelson)
#9 – I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

Sue Haugan photo of a Short Eared Owl on a snowy Montana day.

Best of the Worst #4

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, now in its final week. And some Montana winter scenery.

#4 – I’m So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here

#5 – How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
#6 – I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
#7 – Just Bought a Car From the Guy that Stole My Girl, But the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal
#8 – Got In At Two With a Ten, And Woke Up At Ten With a Two (by Willie Nelson)
#9 – I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

Photo of a Montana woodpecker. It's call is "Penny....Penny...Penny..." Sorry, if you don't watch Big Bang Theory, you won't get the joke. My bad.

Best of the Worst #5

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, now in its final week. And some Montana winter scenery.

#5 – How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

#6 – I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
#7 – Just Bought a Car From the Guy that Stole My Girl, But the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal
#8 – Got In At Two With a Ten, And Woke Up At Ten With a Two (by Willie Nelson)
#9 – I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

Mount Eneas in Glacier National Park, northwest Montana.

Best of the Worst #6

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, now in its final week. And some Montana winter scenery.

#6 – I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing

#7 – Just Bought a Car From the Guy that Stole My Girl, But the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal
#8 – Got In At Two With a Ten, And Woke Up At Ten With a Two (by Willie Nelson)
#9 – I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

The Swan Range, just west of the Montana Rockies, with a dusting of snow early in the winter.

Best of the Worst #7

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, now in its final week. And some Montana winter scenery.

#7 – Just Bought a Car From the Guy that Stole My Girl, But the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal

#8 – Got In At Two With a Ten, And Woke Up At Ten With a Two (by Willie Nelson)
#9 – I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A photo of a Montana fox, wondering what's for lunch - by my Kalispell friend Sue Haugan.

Best of the Worst #8

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. And some Montana winter scenery.

#8 – Got In At Two With a Ten, And Woke Up At Ten With a Two (by Willie Nelson)

#9 – I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A peaceful scene in Northwest Montana, near Glacier National Park.

Best of the Worst #9

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. We've passed into what overseas troops used to call "single digit midget" territory. Wonder if they still use that expression...

#9 – I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling

#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A photo from my Kalispell friend Sue Haugan of the moon looking down on a snowy Montana landscape. Makes me wonder - how come we sometimes see the moon in daylight, but never see the sun at night? Hmmm...

Best of the Worst #10

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles.

#10 – If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.

#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)
#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

The beauty of Glacier National Park in Northwest Montana.

Best of the Worst #11

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles.

#11 – My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend (And I Sure Do Miss Him)

#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)
#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

Our son, Jared, looking sly on a snowy day. I think this is on Big Mountain at Whitefish Winter Resort.

Best of the Worst #12

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles.

#12 – If the Jukebox Took Teardrops (I’d Cry All Night Long)

#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others
#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A Sue Haugan photo of early morning in the Montana Rockies. For those of you from Seattle, that big patch of blue is called "sky."

Best of the Worst #13

Counting down to #1 on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#13 – You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat) - written by Mason Williams of "Classical Gas" fame, recorded by John Denver & others

#14 – If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)
#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A Montana creek, or as it's known in rural areas, a "crick."

Best of the Worst #15

Day 17 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#15 – My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy (by Cletus T. Judd – a parody of Kenny Chesney's “She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy”)

#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

Mountain lion tracks in the snow, somewhere in northwest Montana.

Best of the Worst #16

Day 16 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#16 – You Put My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump

#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

Kalispell friend Blake Passmore, author & photographer of a series of hiking guides for Glacier National Park. It looks like a winter shot, but that's late summer/early fall at about 10,000 feet elevation.

Best of the Worst #17

Day 15 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#17 – If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over
#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A Sue Haugan photo of winter scenery with Flathead Lake in the distance.

Best of the Worst #18

Day 14 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#18 – We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It's All Over

#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A Sue Haugan photo of a snowy Montana day in November of 2012.

Best of the Worst #19

Day 13 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#19 – Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off

#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)
#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A Blake Passmore photo of Jewel Basin, taken in the fall or early winter. This lovely wilderness area on the eastern edge of the Flathead Valley in Montana is a popular hiking and camping spot. For those who read my thriller, THE ASSASSINS CLUB, this is where a key bonding scene takes place around a campfire.

Best of the Worst #20

Day 12 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#20 – It Ain't Easy Being Easy (by Roseanne Cash)

#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A Sue Haugan photo of a scene near Whitefish, Montana, on a slushy winter day.

Best of the Worst #21

Day 11 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles. Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#21 – I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me

#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year
#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A Sue Haugan photo of Montana's "winter beauty and serenity."

Best of the Worst #22

One-third done! Day 10 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, one for every day in January! Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#22 – Looks Like I’ll Be Drinking Christmas Dinner Alone Again This Year

#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A brisk Montana morning - photo by Kalispell friend Sue Haugan.

Best of the Worst #23

Day 9 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, one for every day in January! Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#23 – I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home

#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

The first snow of winter on Big Mountain, overlooking Whitefish, Montana.

Best of the Worst #24

Day 8 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, one for every day in January! Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#24 – She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without

#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again
#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A Sue Haugan photo of a frozen waterfall in Glacier National Park, taken about a year ago.

Best of the Worst #25

Day 7 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, one for every day in January! Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#25 – Your Wife’s Cheating On Us Again

#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A Montana morning, early in the winter.

Best of the Worst #26

Day 6 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, one for every day in January! Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#26 – If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart

#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump
#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

Dixon with granddaughter McKenzie on Big Mountain at Whitefish Winter Resort a couple of years ago.

Best of the Worst #27

Day 5 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, one for every day in January! Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#27 - You Stuck my Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot it off a Stump

#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)
#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A dusting of snow on the Montana Rockies east of Kalispell, earlier this winter.

Best of the Worst #28

Day 4 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, one for every day in January! Plus some Montana winter scenery.

#28 – Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer (by Johnny Russell)

#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)
#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

For city folks, the above creature is not a collie, cow or deer, but a bull elk. Somewhere in NW Montana but I forget where.

Best of the Worst #29

Day 3 of my New Years gift to the world with 31 personal favorites from the 400+ items on my "Best of the Worst" list of country song titles, one for every day in January! Extra bonus: some Montana winter scenery.

#29 – Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?

#30 – The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)

#31 – You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

On the slopes of Big Mountain at Whitefish Winter Resort, overlooking the Flathead Valley in northwest Montana.

Best of the Worst #30

To recap: some of you know about my weird hobby of collecting strange country song titles. Not the songs, just the bizarre titles. In a special treat, I've narrowed down over 400 contestants to my 31 personal favorites - one for every day in January!

Here's #30 - The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend (by Rodney Carrington)

#31 - You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

A stroll through the Rockies in Northwest Montana.

New Years Reboot

I ended 2013 with a closet full of excuses. I was writing like crazy on my WIP, a young adult (or maybe new adult) paranormal set during prehistoric times. Oh, and I fell down one icy morning and broke my left wrist. That wasn't healing straight so I needed an operation to put in assorted titanium hardware and screws to align the bones. Of course, that was an ideal time to plan a pre-Christmas trip to London, with Christmas Day in Cork, Ireland.

Back and unpacked now, getting healed and making steady progress on my WIP. So it's time to follow the urging of both my fans, and jump back in the blogging saddle.

More than anything else, I enjoy sharing the advice and inspirational stories of other writers. Anyone wishing to join the fun should email me at montananovels@yahoo.com - I'm generally looking for about 500 words about what excites you (or drives you crazy) about writing and the publishing business.

Some of you know about my weird hobby of collecting strange country song titles. Not the songs, just the bizarre titles. In a special treat, I've narrowed down over 400 contestants to my 31 personal favorites - one for every day in January!

Here's #31 - "You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin' "

Happy New Year!

For your New Years enjoyment, here is a Montana winter pic from Sue Haugan, a friend and photographer here in Kalispell, Montana.